I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
