Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
