1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
