I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize