Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
