it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
