Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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