..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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