oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
