he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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