You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
