ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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