And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize