he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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