Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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