What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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