just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
