the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
