My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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