Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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