I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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