I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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