At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
