We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
