man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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