I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
