don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
