a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
