I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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