My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just high enough for therapy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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