She's JV to your varsity
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is Oprah even human
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
