You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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