I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
