I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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