I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
