They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i think my cat just said my name.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
