I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
