Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
