So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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