Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
