I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
