After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
