i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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