i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
