i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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