I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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