Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
