were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize