i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
