the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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