I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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