I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
