i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
