I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
