Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
