Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
