so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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