the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
