Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
