I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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