it's too hot outside to masturbate.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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