I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
