just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
