I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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