A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
